lol well not much here today, just came home from drea's and was chillin eatin some oreo's DOUBLE STUFF lol meg and oscar just stopped by meg needed her charger for her phone and her most precious eyeliner. (hey i completely understand) anyways, were never gonna forget that night. omg. wow MEG YOU MAH GURL.
ok last night me n drea just got off work went to bru's and then nobody was pickin up there phone so we were like fuck that and we were on our way home and nick calls me, so were like ok, well go over there n chill for a lil bit so we head over there and have a beer or two, lol and then we have a stupid curfew so we had to bounce... ok inocent right?
an hour later i get a phone call thats from ricky sayin that he doesnt even want me to talk to nick because he knows how he treats girls and he doesnt want me "dating" one of his best friends. ( i understand) but, i dunno i felt like he was kinda my dad telling me what to do. owell, i guess he was just jealous~ he loves me i know he does,hes just really shy about the whole thing. anyways i love him too, i really do, but i mean, we cant date now. i know that for shore, cus weve tryed and its just way to hard~ and blah blah blah. well, i dunno i feel like im already like married to him, kinda like promised... sorta thing.. like we know were gonna be together. and once we date again, thats it. there will be no one else, and that kinda scares me too, not just him (but dont tell him~ he thinks im never scared.) lol like really, i dunno like kinda like i cant have fun with out hurting him, and i know party, and i know im gonna party way harder real soon so,well, we had an hour long convo about how he wants me to not talk to nick at all. like i know him, he wants me to delete his phone number and forget i ever met him.. but he would never ever tell me that to my face , but i know in his heart its what he feels.
i know hes just tryin to protect me............. Do i really want to be protected?
im so fuckin sick of everybody tellin me how this is and do this but dont do that. (not him) just in general. i just want to break out.
and he tells me he wants to hear about other guys i date/talk to and whatever but then hes like no, i hate it when you tell me. ugh. boys.
the thing is, is i kinda thought nick was cute.
dammit. ~~ but i would never burn that bridge. ever.ever ever ever.
my heart pulls one way, and my body another.
"confused"